So I've been exploring this man thing with the Trini bredda for a hot minute now; seven / eight months I believe and a lot has happened. Can you believe I actually caughts feeling for him... like properly loved him off. Even let him bang me out can you believe! Hurt like hell its but part and parcel of being with someone... all about give and take.
But as with all things... some cracks started beginning to show. 1st was the jealousy... when you are on this ting and you've been chatting to a few heads for a hot minute, you then link one bredda that you end up with, it peaks your curiousity to wanna know what the others who are safe on the phone look like in person so I did. When I showed him this, he tried to accuse me of all sorts so we decided to lock it on a Friday night.
So I chilled with one of the bredda thats I'd met, the weekend after we were done and they gave me some mean head. The the Trini called me to apologize and we decided to give it another go.
After that things were different though. There was a level of distrust from him to me. I remember I bunked off school to surprise him, only to find him in the yard with one dude putting his chain like he'd spent the night. He denied shit but the evidence was there. Don't ask why, but we started having makeup foreplay after he looked me in the eye and said shit didn't happen. He wanted to bang me out... put the condom on and everything but I weren't on it.
Why did pin he me down and force entry anyway like some crazy mofo? It was the most surreal shit ever. It was like someone punching the shit out of you and then falling unconscious but still conscious. I gave him this WTF look but couldn't do shit, I swear, that feeling of helplessness is not the one. After about 2 minutes he pulled out pushed me against the wall and started apologizing. I just got out the yard turned my phone off and sat on the back of the 6 with tears streaming. No noise just damp. You're on the DL and you just got raped... who the hell do you talk to?
I just went back to School and kept shit moving.
TBC....
Sunday, 15 March 2009
Sunday, 1 March 2009
They've got Next... what have we got?
You can make out the English I guess.
But why ain't us Brit of colour that are 'on it' more mainstream?
Sunday, 16 November 2008
So I said fuck it...
So yeah... basically I threw caution to the wind innit. I was reading the Voice during the summer holidays (doing my A-Levels now after doing good in my GCSEs) and came across this 'Maleforce' ting which is live cos I can use my pay as you go mins on it.
Basically its a ting where there are guys you can chat to who have also called the number and leave flirty messages or even have a 1 to 1 wid on the phone. I always get rocked up when I'm on it... I swear I am kinda addicted to the excitement of it all. I usually end up bussing a nut to some white guy who tells in how he wants he to bang him out or how he would give me head in graphic detail.
Its mad because you've got heads on there that, want a relationship, heads that want a no strings attached meet and others like me that are all about the phone sex.
One guy from Trinidad though managed to show me enough personality to have us exchange numbers in September and meet for the 1st time in October. It was mad... my stomach was all nervous but they turned out to be good looking. All using my free period to go and link them at a bus stop near college. They were acting proppa shy, but it was more of a hi and bye then I went back to class.
Got me a job working in a call centre. Trying to take the mick though with a little 5.10 per hour, but then its better than the £11 a week paper round and its money so its all good. I think me and this Trini guy might be the start of something. Mad!
Basically its a ting where there are guys you can chat to who have also called the number and leave flirty messages or even have a 1 to 1 wid on the phone. I always get rocked up when I'm on it... I swear I am kinda addicted to the excitement of it all. I usually end up bussing a nut to some white guy who tells in how he wants he to bang him out or how he would give me head in graphic detail.
Its mad because you've got heads on there that, want a relationship, heads that want a no strings attached meet and others like me that are all about the phone sex.
One guy from Trinidad though managed to show me enough personality to have us exchange numbers in September and meet for the 1st time in October. It was mad... my stomach was all nervous but they turned out to be good looking. All using my free period to go and link them at a bus stop near college. They were acting proppa shy, but it was more of a hi and bye then I went back to class.
Got me a job working in a call centre. Trying to take the mick though with a little 5.10 per hour, but then its better than the £11 a week paper round and its money so its all good. I think me and this Trini guy might be the start of something. Mad!
Monday, 4 August 2008
Am I a Battybwoy?
OK so I 'm young and I can appreciate girls and their good looks but feel them sexually to a point. With guys now its a different thing altogether.
I look at them and a million and one things pop into my head about what I would do if I got the green light.
I still live at home with God Fearing parents that are very homophobic so coming out is not an option. But what exactly does coming out mean? That I'm acknowledging myself as belonging to a community stereotyped as being very flamboyant, promiscous and having a high risk of disease?
Given I am a virgin, do I supress my feelings toward guys and date girls in the hope that this a phase that will go away, or do I experiment on the guy side? Are their even guys that are like me in the same situation?
HELP
I look at them and a million and one things pop into my head about what I would do if I got the green light.
I still live at home with God Fearing parents that are very homophobic so coming out is not an option. But what exactly does coming out mean? That I'm acknowledging myself as belonging to a community stereotyped as being very flamboyant, promiscous and having a high risk of disease?
Given I am a virgin, do I supress my feelings toward guys and date girls in the hope that this a phase that will go away, or do I experiment on the guy side? Are their even guys that are like me in the same situation?
HELP
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)