Boy...

So I've been exploring this man thing with the Trini bredda for a hot minute now; seven / eight months I believe and a lot has happened. Can you believe I actually caughts feeling for him... like properly loved him off. Even let him bang me out can you believe! Hurt like hell its but part and parcel of being with someone... all about give and take.

But as with all things... some cracks started beginning to show. 1st was the jealousy... when you are on this ting and you've been chatting to a few heads for a hot minute, you then link one bredda that you end up with, it peaks your curiousity to wanna know what the others who are safe on the phone look like in person so I did. When I showed him this, he tried to accuse me of all sorts so we decided to lock it on a Friday night.

So I chilled with one of the bredda thats I'd met, the weekend after we were done and they gave me some mean head. The the Trini called me to apologize and we decided to give it another go.

After that things were different though. There was a level of distrust from him to me. I remember I bunked off school to surprise him, only to find him in the yard with one dude putting his chain like he'd spent the night. He denied shit but the evidence was there. Don't ask why, but we started having makeup foreplay after he looked me in the eye and said shit didn't happen. He wanted to bang me out... put the condom on and everything but I weren't on it.

Why did pin he me down and force entry anyway like some crazy mofo? It was the most surreal shit ever. It was like someone punching the shit out of you and then falling unconscious but still conscious. I gave him this WTF look but couldn't do shit, I swear, that feeling of helplessness is not the one. After about 2 minutes he pulled out pushed me against the wall and started apologizing. I just got out the yard turned my phone off and sat on the back of the 6 with tears streaming. No noise just damp. You're on the DL and you just got raped... who the hell do you talk to?

I just went back to School and kept shit moving.

TBC....