First post in nearly 3 years lol, where does the time go? Mental health has been a hot topic in the last few years so I want to speak on one of my experiences off line.
In the pandemic I got into a relationship with someone that ticked all the boxes or so I thought. Great career, ambitious, black and his siblings and mum were aware of his sexuality. Healthy so I thought. I missed the red flag that he'd cheated in his last relationship because the story he sold me was that he had been to therapy to do the work.
Read on after the jump...
So much so that I introduced him to my siblings as my significant other 18 months and eventually told my folks that I was in a relationship that in their eyes was non traditional. My siblings were handled it like I thought they would, they had questions but were cool with it and felt glad that I had trusted them with my vulnerability.
As for my parents, it opened up the eye of the storm of raw emotions and being on the receiving end of harsh words that no son would ever want to hear. I had to numb my emotions and maintain my talking points to them of focusing on building with someone making me happy regardless of gender.
As African parents, in their eyes being attracted to men meant their vision of their child's spiritual purpose of finding a wife and life partner and starting a family was not going to happen and as a result they made it all about them, their prejudices and ultimately stopped communicating with me for almost a year.
I had to deal with the fallout on my own and the relationship that I thought would hold me up during the darkest period of my life did not. Picture perfect on the outside but had to put myself back together on my own. Pushing through the panic attacks and breakdowns to regain my peace over the period of nearly a year.
It later turned out that rather than be in a monogamous relationship during this time, his aim was to evolve the relationship into an open one so that rather than the therapy that he spoke of he instead wanted to legitimize the trait that ended his last relationship.
The divide over relationship outlook, unmet needs and the urgency to get back to myself solo meant that I had to prioritize my peace of mind and I ultimately ended the relationship and got back to the chill confidence and calm life that I cherish.
People put yourself first if your relationship is not serving you. Don't stress over the feeling of failure or the time invested. Look at it as no mistakes... just lessons learned and make peace with the situation.
No comments:
Post a Comment