The main problem in dealing with discreet men is....

The main problem in dealing with men is the LIES and Paranoia.

If you are black and discreet and attracted to discreet guys , then nine times out of ten you've had to lie and be evasive. In conversations with your friends who know nothing about you being discreet, the 'hims' on your journey become 'hers' in conversation to avoid bateing yourself up. The 'hims' in the phone book are renamed to 'hers' and the 'hims' are given an different number to friends you haven't grown up with. Worse still if you are living at home.

To guys you lie about the area that you live in, you give a fake name so you can't be bated up. You think that everyone who is 'on it' has an agenda to bate you up. You don't feel comfortable talking about what you've done with other people although you are turned on talking about what you like.

The adrenaline and fear of the shame of everyone knowing your business and the permanent shame in peoples eyes that you will never be able to shake, should you be outted is mixed with the excitement of knowing that you are chatting to someone who on an attraction level thinks like you after thinking so long that you are alone.

Also if you are dealing with guys and you've never had a job before working with lots of people of different ages, if a friend from the ends, school or family member was to see you with an 'on it' guy, they would ask you where you know him from and the guilt would show on your face.

The family members have to be fobbed off that you are too busy for a relationship and your movements have to be cloak and dagger.

Then there is the selection process: You message someone who think is cool online, get to know him through messages then you get the email address and move it on to msn / yahoo. If he is bang on trying to get your number from the get go then you know he is too out there. He gets deleted. He goes 'out' every once in a while... he get's deleted, he shows you pics and looks clockable, he get's deleted. He's over 25 he gets deleted. He get's kept if he can relate to being confused, around my age and more just looking for someone to talk to, and looks easy on the eye.

Then conversation get's taken to phone level. If he sounds to soft or like he is trying to be something he aint he gets locked off. If he is level headed and consistant after weeks of conversation then we can talk about a face to face conversation so we can see what each other's vibe is like.

You meet face to face and then you either click or you don't; if I have to carry the conversation, you are clockable or your looks in reality didn't meet the expectation. I'll make my excuses and leave.

Its almost like there is a underground group of guys that are attracted to guys but are disgusted with the way those examples of people who are out that they have come across carry themselves to the point that they do not want to be associated with them in any way shape or form.

The chemistry either on the day of the meet or an occasion following the meet boils over and you let the lust and attraction take over. After that its either a short lived cloak and dagger arrangement that works for the both of you, or he will get too clingy and his calls, voicemails and texts ignored.

Its a lifestyle designed to drive a man insane. This was once my mindset, but I've evolved since then.